Recently, Midwestern Mama penned an article for In Recovery magazine about the impact of a child’s addiction and recovery on the parents’ marriage, so it’s only fitting that for #TBT that we rerun a 2012 column on a similar topic. It seems the principles stand the test of time regardless of the scenario.
A Real Mom 1-23-12_ Tips for a strong marriage while dealing with addiction – Minnmoms
Great post! I was always amazed at the strength my parents showed when dealing with not one, but two children suffering from addiction. The reason they were able to get through it, including the death of my brother from his alcoholism, is because they not only loved each other, but they really LIKED each other and considered each other their best friend!
Because they had that strong foundation of friendship and knew that they could count on each other and have each other’s back no matter what situation they faced, they were able to get through a devastating time with more love and respect than ever before.
I think, no I KNOW that addiction can test relationships of any kind like nothing else, and I’m so proud to see people like you and your husband and my parents who are able to not only make it through, but thrive!
Thanks, Nadine. You are quite right about the stress and strain that addiction places on families. As the moms and dads, we not only take care of the addict and other family members, but also ourselves – often in that order.
I thank my lucky stars that my husband and I had a strong marriage going into our son’s addiction, and I am even more grateful that the experience has strengthened it even more.
Unfortunately, I hear that a kid’s addiction can crumble a marriage and that’s a true shame. In particular, the kid who is using needs the stability that their parents can represent instead of another chaotic, dysfunctional relationship.
I hope the tips I shared, which are from the throes of our addiction days, are relevant for others who may be parenting a young addict. My hunch is good relationship advice is good advice regardless of the situation, and we all know that good relationships take a continual commitment to making them good relationships. It doesn’t just happen – we have to make it be.
Midwestern Mama
MWM you and your husband have provided a wonderful example and I plan to forward your tips to a friend of mine who is going through it right now with her son. I think the tips you provided will be a great help to her.
Thank you so much again for sharing!
Thank you, Midwestern Mama — great topic.
It was helpful to us to remind ourselves that we loved each other before any kids came along and they were the addition to our family. As much as I agonized during our son’s years of addiction, I made efforts to maintain care for my husband and our son knew that my feelings were my husband’s priority. Even in the trial and error of parenting a child on drugs, we presented a united front. When one of us questioned how to proceed, it happened that God would soon bring us to agreement.
I was recently asked how Ted’s addiction affected our marriage and I again expressed gratitude that when one of us was down and discouraged, the other was able to encourage with some optimism — another grace of God. Now seven years into our son’s sobriety, we are still learning how those using years affected each other, and thankful to have also grown closer as a result of it.