During recovery, trust returns and grows. Relationships improve. Midwestern Mama is sharing daily examples of trust as her 22-year-old son celebrates eight months of sobriety.
Slowly our son is exhibiting more and more honesty. Since committing to treatment and ongoing recovery last July, we are transitioning from hope to belief. At the core of it, we are trusting him again and he is trusting us. It’s one of the most welcome aspects of this new stage.
We were not quick to give him all our trust at once. We wanted to, but history has proven that trust needs to be earned, not granted, especially when it has been so broken. It hadn’t been so long before that he’d stolen money, run away, lied, and more. Even if he promised never to do it again, we stopped believing because we knew it was the promise of someone who was using drugs, someone with an illness, someone who couldn’t help it. Dishonesty became his way of life.
However, in the eight months since he went to treatment for opiate addiction and has committed to a recovery program, we are delighted to witness remarkable, positive changes. With these acts, we are beginning to trust again. With each act of honesty, we build even greater trust. Day by day.
My goal these days is to identify all the ways my recovering son is rebuilding trust with the family – and with himself. Not so long ago I might have wondered what does trust look and feel like. Now I have some tangible examples:
- Today, I trust my son to drive my car.
- In the past, my son abused this privilege and it was taken away. Now, we offer him access to my car for school, work and appointments. He accepts a ride or uses public transportation on days when I need my car. Each time he drives the car, it returns clean, gassed up, and within the expected mileage.
- Today, I trust my son not to steal money from the family. We can leave out our wallets and purses.
- Over the addiction years, our son stole thousands of dollars. Sometimes it was change from the change jar. Many times it was his little brother’s wallet or cash from his sister’s or my purse. He even stole money from his friends’ mothers (although a few months ago, he repaid them and wrote them notes of apology).
- Today, I trust my son will not partake in alcohol if he is present at a gathering where it is present.
- For example, next week there is an employee party at his workplace – a local restaurant. The employees will be treated to a wonderful meal. His co-workers are age 21-plus, so they might choose to have an alcoholic beverage as part of the celebration. He doesn’t like to call attention to being sober, but he no longer feels like anyone is going to wonder why he chooses not to drink but instead to enjoy a soda.
Stay connected with us this month as I highlight daily examples of trust – weekly on the blog, daily on Twitter and Facebook. @OurYoungAddicts #Recovery #PositiveChange #TrustFeelsGood And, please share your examples with the Our Young Addicts community!