Waiting for What’s Next, Appreciating What’s Now

As our son wrapped up his 28-day treatment program, the recommended next phase was to go to a halfway house for additional recovery work.  His counselor recommended two and he seemed open to the idea.  There is quite a waiting list for halfway houses, so the idea was he’d take either option based on first availability.  Instead,  when the first one came through, he said he didn’t think it met his needs and wanted to wait for the second one.  Due to some processing glitches, he had to start the application and waiting process again, which has caused complications not the least of which is the program he wants doesn’t have availability until February 1 and his funding is tapped for where he is now.  He said he wanted to come home in the interim.  His counselor doesn’t recommend this nor do we think it’s a good idea.  Therefore, he’s in limbo, and I dare say it’s less about where he will actually go next as whether that place is closer to recovery or addiction.  (I am reminded that “the road to Recovery often goes through Relapse,” and that the days and months following treatment are influential.)

A new option now came available for Monday – good news! However, it seems like our son is balking at this.  Hmm.  A pattern?  A pattern.  We are set for a final family session Sunday afternoon at treatment with our son and his counselor.  We are curious and hopeful about what’s next.  We are also concerned and skeptical.  As always it comes down to his openess and willingness to embrace recovery.  We’ll have to make our own choices about how to accept this regardless of his decision.

Throughout our son’s addiction, I’ve sought several sources of support including Al-Anon, a therapist, online groups (the reason MidAtlantic Mom and I started Our Young Addicts, and how we originally connected), reading, writing, study, prayer, meditation and more.  I am grateful for the tools I have gained and am continuing to learn to use.  Instead of being as frustrated and overwhelmed as I could be, I am better able to accept and let go.

Today, I am appreciating many things about this current chapter with Our Young Addict.  He is in treatment.  He is warm and well fed.  He is not using.  We know where he is.  We know who he is with.  We know we didn’t cause this, can’t change this, can’t cure this.  I am appreciating having time to process my thoughts as I sit in front on the fire place in our home.  I am appreciating that the deep-freeze temps we’ve had have passed and that I could take our dog to the park.  I am appreciating some time alone at home while my husband and youngest son are at a sports tournament.  I am appreciating that my daughter and her fiance will come visit tomorrow.  I am appreciating that I have so much to appreciate!

Stay tuned.  I will update you on our son’s next steps and in the meantime, I will focus on Now instead of What’s Next.

Midwestern Mama

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